Mike, you need to lose the necklace.

Now you should fully understand that we are dealing with one of the coolest guys ever to walk (or drive) on earth when we are dealing with Michael Shumacher. The guy was so goddamn phenomenal at what he does, that he essentially had to retire because people were bored of watching him win. Formula 1 has not been the same since the german wunderkind retired from the sport, and so pardon me if I needed a new pair of underpants when I heard he was coming back this season to take the top spot on Ferrari’s F1 team. Unfortunately, the circumstances were rather grim, as one of Ferrari’s drivers, Felipe Massa, got his skull cracked open by a flying tire, hence leaving room for a substitute (don’t worry, Massa is fine, he is recovering and should be ready for next season). But perhaps even more tragic news, in my opinion, is that after Ferrari had released the news officially that Schumacher was going to come back, the excitement was cut short by another announcement, by Schumacher himself, saying that his neck, which he fractured in a motorcycle accident earlier this year, could not withstand the G force involved with F1 racing. He was not physically able to make the ultimate comeback we were all so ecstatic about. Talk about popping my f**king glee balloon.
But Shumacher still has his ways of bringing us joy and happiness, even if it isnt by dominating other F1 driver’s mothers on the racetrack….he has been instrumental in bringing the absolutely ridiculous 458 Italia into existence. See, ol’ Mikey works with Ferrari in developing better, cooler, faster, more insane cars for us, the common peasants, to drool over. Cue the 458 Italia.
This ridiculous piece of work is the hotter, younger sexier version of its predecessor, the F430, with bigger boobs and a tighter ass. This thing is hot shit. I love how Ferrari have decided to become a little more adventurous in their design cues (go ahead and take a look at the triple exhaust pipes). Lamborghini has always been known as the wilder, more “out there” arch rival of Ferrari, and for these reasons, I have always been a Lambo man. If im dropping a quarter of a million bucks (or more) on a whip, im going to make sure it screams LOOK AT ME! in the loudest, most obnoxious voice possible. Pearlescent lime green, with matching piping on the seats, and dishes on the rims.
this is young jeezy’s lambo

Basically something that looks like that. But with Ferrari’s new models, starting with last year’s California, it is blatantly evident that the folks down in Maranello, Italy, have caught on to the fact that the type of people that buy these ridiculous cars are often young, dumb and rich, and much like me, want to stand out from the rest of the crowd. Now don’t get me wrong, a Ferrari has always stood out as being an unbelievable car, and driving one an amazing social achievement, but its the kind of unbelievable that garners admiration from old and young alike. I dont want old people admiring my car. I want them to hate it. I want them to hate everything about it. From the loud paintjob and the louder exhaust to the completely unecessarily massive engine poking out of the back. And I am absolutely positive I am not the only one that feels this way. I am glad to see Ferrari finally going out on a limb and reaching out to people like me, because we are the generation that will be buying their cars for the next 60 years. The Ferrari 458 Italia will be one SERIOUS contender for Lamborghini when it comes out next summer, and that is in part due to one insanely cool, funny speaking German racecar prodigy. Thanks Mike…
…But the one question I have is how can the same man responsible for some of the most important decision making behind such a beautiful work of art, be the same man making the decision to put that necklace on in the morning. The mind boggles.

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