Chris Brown workin’ on a chain….gaaaaaang…


Imagine. One second, you’re one of the hottest artists in the world, driving down the street in your LAMBORGHINI, with your popstar girlfriend (who many find attractive…me…not so much)….then you lose your temper. Next thing you know, you look like a stinky economist in a christmas sweater on Larry King live, talking a bunch of shit your publicist told you to say in a desperate attempt at damage control. Then you end up on the side of the highway, picking up garbage.


But this guy didnt leave a little scratch on Rihanna. He beat the living guacamole out of her. I’ve seen many a barfight in my time, and I can tell you I’ve never seen anyone come off as bad as Rihanna looked after old Mr. Brown was done with her. Like, slamming her head against the car window….what do you think your doing? Thats a goddamn Lamborghini. Have some respect for your vehicle How could you do that without feeling bad? Funny thing is, he can’t even blame it on the a-a-a-alchohol because he was driving, so basically the guy is just a nutcase. I guess getting your mom to slam your nuts in a car door so you can sing high notes ended up having some pretty intense psychological consequences.

Well, today is the first day of your new life Christoff….have fun picking up dirty Mcdonald’s cups filled with chaw spit off the side of the highway for the next 180 DAYS (thats like…half a year!). And when you come back, no one’s going to hire you, no one’s going to sign you for concerts….you blew it. You blew it better than Lewinsky. I’d start putting ads in the classifieds for a bar mitzvah singer if I were you….I’m sure that stupid f**king bowtie would suit you well up on stage in front of a bunch of prepubescent jewish boys. Whats that? You don’t hear nothin but ladies callin’? I call your bluff. Just give me your Lamborghini so I can make better use of it than you will…you’ll be riding Mr. Solodolo from now on.


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