One of these things is not like the other…


So the first pictures of Katherine Heigl’s adopted baby popped up today. And I just sh*t my pants. I swear that baby is the younger sibling of that kid from the Grudge. I do not understand the concept of going abroad to adopt babies when there are probably tons of babies here in North America. Is it the equivalent to driving a german car, drinking french wine or eating russian caviar? “I have a chinese baby…top of the line”. Well, actually, this one is Korean, but still. I just don’t get it. Perhaps they genetically engineer superbabies in Asia, and we, the common folk haven’t been told about it yet? Maybe thats why all these celebrities have random asian babies? If thats the case, then the government better be monitoring Angelina and Brad, cause it looks like they’ve got a goddamn superbaby training camp over there. I’m so not down with this shenanigans. Don’t get me wrong, im not stupid…I know why people adopt, my issue is why celebrities need to choose an exotic baby. Its like draping a tiger hide over your shoulder. But this tiger hide pukes on said shoulder. You never see adopted russian babies, or adopted scottish babies….they’re always from Asia. I understand that asian kids are usually good at school (is it racist when your being discriminatory in a positive way?), but surely this cant be enough reason to live with the “thats obviously not yours” stare from every passerby? Or maybe I’m missing something. Maybe it is worth it. All I know is,  if I had a choice on where my baby was coming from, and I could choose any custom designed baby from anywhere, I think I’d probably take a dutch baby. Then I would put him on an intensive basketball program from the age of two and watch my investment sprout like a beanstalk and make the NBA. Then I could drive a german car, drink french wine and eat russian caviar aaaaalll day.


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