A one Jonathan G. Parker(Mensa application pending) was arrested after breaking into a house in Martinsburg, West Virginia and stealing two diamond rings valued at 3500 bucks. He didn’t give the cops too much work to do, as the dumbsh*t left his FACEBOOK PAGE UP ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN. Turns out, this little weiner decided, mid-robbery, to check his Facebook, and consequently forgot to sign out and shut the window before he left the house. Funnily enough, the victim of the crime noticed that her and the worst robber ever had a mutual friend…a mutual friend who later admitted to being in on the crime!
If this moron could have waited until he got home to check his facebook, he could have gone out the next day and bought himself a brand spanking new computer, and checked out his facebook from then on in style. But no. He breaks into the house, steals the rings and thinks “hmmm, I wonder if Jenny is on fb chat right now…I bet she’d be mighty impressed if I told ‘er what im doin right now…maybe she’d even let me take her out on a date”. Well, whether Jenny was there or not, we’ll never know (or care), but I’m sure he won’t have any problem finding someone in jail to call HIM Jenny for the 1-10 years he faces. (I can hear it now…”Hey Parker, forget myspace and facebook, how about you come to my place and we’ll facef**k”) I wonder if he’ll change his status to “in jail”. I would. Chicks would totally dig that.