Today Pittsburgh played host to the beginning of the two day G20 summit, where the 20 world leaders of industrialized nations met to discuss economic trade policies. Outside the walls of this ever important meeting there was chaos, as protesters marched the street, dressed in all black. Hundreds of police in full riot gear were patrolling on foot, on pedal, and even on horseback, utilizing various techniques to keep the protesters at bay. These techniques included tear gas canisters, non lethal bean bag shots and a new device called a sound cannon, which, up until today has never been used publicly. The sound cannon is a device which emits high pitched beeps, not unlike a car alarm, that aim to debilitate protesters or rioters by using sound as a weapon. Hence the name sound cannon. Well, it worked a charm, as you can see in the video.
In fact, all their techniques worked a charm. This entire day has been a constant assault on the violent protesters, who’s piece de la resistance was rolling a dumpster down the street….and not hitting anything or anyone. Police basically had a field day, playing with their new police toys and using the protesters as their guinea pigs, while the protesters didn’t even get close to within the security perimeter surrounding the G20 meeting. People came from far and wide to protest this meeting taking place, most of them believing that 20 people do not have the right to make decisions for billions of people. Well, idiots…you’re wrong. These people are world leaders for a reason, and you guys are a bunch of douchebags in black bandannas who have nothing better to do on a Thursday afternoon for a reason as well. If these protesters were a little more intelligent, and a little less gung-ho, they might have realized that none of their actions would have any impact on the meeting whatsoever. And they didn’t. Even though protesters were out in the masses, the world leaders sat comfortably in their reclining office chairs, drinking room temperature water out of dainty glass pitchers while they chatted about how much George W. f**ked up how to go up and out of this economic recession that has plagued the entire world over the last year. They couldn’t care less about the college students running amok outside, thinking they were playing real life Call of Duty without weapons.
Which brings me to my question….why bother? The New York Times interviewed one college kid who had driven 16 hours from Pensacola, Florida with 3 friends to join in the protests. He is quoted as saying “The fact that 20 or so individuals right now are determining economic trade policies for four to five billion people just isn’t right…That’s why we’re here.”. Well while you were there, what exactly did you do about it? Do you think any of the world leaders knew that Trevor Griffith, from the University of West Florida, was outside in the streets disagreeing with what they were doing? No. Not even the world leaders assistants knew about Mr. Griffith. Or the assistant’s assistants. Or even the people who were refilling the lukewarm water pitchers. No one knew at all…because they didn’t care. These individuals, as well as so many others wasted their time and effort for absolutely no reason, other than to be target practice for trigger happy police. Again, I repeat…why bother? Whats that? You raise awareness about your cause to the people watching the news at home? Well I was one of those people, and I was sitting back with a nice cold drink in my left hand with a smile on my face, eagerly watching, hoping to get a glimpse of a protester getting hit in the face with a beanbag. The only thing that I became aware of today? The police have a sweet new riot control toy called a sound cannon, which sends you little runts running away in agony, desperately clutching your ears hoping to drown some of that awful noise out. I can understand, it was a little loud for me too…but i just turned down the volume on my TV a bit. These are people who cannot find fulfillment in other facets of life, therefore need to become self-righteous for some cause or another in order to feel important. Girlfriend’s are generally out of the question for this breed, unless their girlfriend’s are closet lesbians fighting for the same cause, but they don’t count, because these are the type of girls that close their eyes and pretend their greasy, dreadlocked, activist boyfriends are actually girls with strap-on’s if and when intercourse takes place. Friends, hobbies and employment are usually secondary to “the cause” and although they pretend this is by choice…it isn’t.
So will these brainwashed lemmings every realize that their efforts are redundant? Massively unlikely. If they did come to the realization, then that would consequently mean they would also be coming to the realization that their lives have no purpose, which would (and has) led to both suicide and school shootings. So rather than bursting their organic bubble, we just let them have their little stand, while police officers line them up in their sights and unload on them with beanbags. And we anxiously watch at home, just waiting for a slo mo clip of a bandana clad douchebag getting dropped with one of said beanbags to the face. The Dale says protest on young soldiers, protest on.