3G, or not 3G…that, is the question.

So I’ve been thinking about buying a blackberry curve 8520 to use until my contract is up in 6 months…the reason i’ve chosen the 8520 is because all the other blackberries are really expensive to buy outright, and there’s a good chance I’ll be getting an iPhone when I renew my contract. So basically the 8520 is the only berry I can justify buying for 6 months use. And for those that don’t understand why it is necessary for me to buy a new phone just to last me until my contract is up, the answer is that I have a blackberry storm. Perhaps the most underpowered overrated blackbery ever made.
Ok so as usual the Dale digresses. The one thing that is making me hesitate getting the curve is the lack of 3G. But today I started thinking…what has 3G done for me? I’ve had full 3G signal since the day I got my phone just over a year ago, and to be totally honest…3G is fucking useless. I mean yes. It is faster…marginably…but it is also incredibly unreliable and finnicky. Often I find myself turning it back to 2G (GPRS or EDGE) just to get a consistant signal. And when it’s on 2G I have NEVER noticed the speed reduction. There is one thing that people fail to realize. you do not need a faster connection for 99.5% of the things you do on your cell phone. Unless you watch live streaming tv, 3G is downright unecessary. Even streaming radio can easily be handled by a 2G connection. so that’s it people…I said it. The concept of 3G being a necessity when buying a new phone is a result of hype. It’s overrated, unreliable and utterly unecessary in terms of current technology. And for the record, I’ve subscribed to live TV for the past 6 months and it’s a novelty. Watching live football through a grainy 3 inch window is exciting for the first couple of matches but overall the experience blows rhino nuts. So the dales verdict? time to buy a curve.

Nobody’s Perfect:The story of Meghan Fox’s thumbs

Ok, Dale’s back…

So I was watching ‘Jennifer’s Body’ a couple of weeks ago with my girlfriend, which really isn’t that bad of a movie considering what you’d expect (Think closer to Scream than The Grudge), but obviously, the selling point of the movie is the fact that Megan Fox is the slutty main character. Sure, Diablo Cody wrote the movie, but 9 out of 10 people probably don’t know that. Anyway, so Meghan Fox. Maxim’s Hottest Girl in the World. The epitome of sexuality to millions upon millions of guys worldwide (me, not so much..). I’ve actual heard more than one person describe her as “perfect”. We’ll get back to that in a second.

Back to the movie. So it gets to the part where she makes out with her best friend, which is meant to be the hottest scene in the movie, and they start going at it, everything’s fine, then Meghan Fox puts her hand on the girl’s cheek. Confused, fascinated and thoroughly disgusted, I exclaimed “What the FUCK is wrong with her thumb?!?!?”. My girlfriend promptly confirmed my statement. Meghan Fox’s thumb is a Gollum thumb.

We looked online and found out that she suffers from a condition called “clubbed thumb” or “hammer thumb”. Basically stubby little gnome thumbs on an otherwise normal hand.

So I’ll apologize in advance to those of you reading this that think Meghan Fox is the hottest girl in the world. The reason I feel an apology is necessary is because I have just exacerbated the fact that NO ONE is perfect. Whether it be internal or external, everyone has a flaw. It’s a known fact that most hot girls are bitchy and most fat girls are really nice. Finding a happy medium is what makes the game so difficult. But one thing is for sure. The Dale could not imagine dating a girl like Meghan Fox knowing that every time you hold her hand, or she touches your face, or she touches you anywhere else for that matter, she will be touching you with those little gremlin thumbs. If you can handle that (see what i did there), then good for you, but Dale’s entirely too picky. Hands are the first point of contact, and I don’t want that contact to remind me of this…

-Dale

if you like what you’ve just read, hit up www.dailydale.com for more.

A Post About Modern Day Slavery or Something

By RM Franks

Remember upon the conclusion of the American civil war when Abraham Lincoln “freed” the slaves? There’s an ideal in Western society that everyone has it equal, anyone can prosper, and opportunities for success can be grasped by anyone. Let me paint a picture for you.

I’m 21 years old. I’m sitting at home on my ass right now blogging away on my personal Macbook Pro that my dad bought for me for my 18th birthday. It’s a Sunday afternoon and I’m flipping between the NFL Pro Bowl and the red carpet show for the Grammy awards (problem?) on my 52 inch flat screen LCD tv, also bought my dad. Suddenly Lady GaGa’s speech my Peyton Manning highlights are interrupted by a honking fuckin snow-blower in my backyard. Who’s operating this snow-blower? Some guy. Some fuckin guy named Dennis, who most likely has a drinking problem (I would if I had to do what he does). Some guy my dad pays a few hundred bucks a season to come and blow the snow off of our driveway and out of our backyard so we, the royal family, can get our cars out without hassle, as well so there is a clear path to the garbage pickup in the back lane. Not that I’ll be taking out that garbage, for then what would the Filipino lady do when she is done cooking my grilled cheese and folding my laundry? I suppose there is always something to be done, my bong water hasn’t been changed in a while, and my ass could use a more thorough wiping, but all-in-all Estella is doing a good job.

Bottom line, although we don’t whip them, beat them and make them live on our plantations, many of us well-off folk have slaves. They don’t seem like slaves to us of course, and because sometimes they work so closely with one family we call them our nannies! We love them! I don’t mean love the services they provide (although we CERTAINLY enjoy those) but I mean often times we love them. We think of them as second parents. After all, they did spend more time with us than our real parents as little kids. They did our shopping, cooked for us, bathed us, took us to the park, and most of all, they loved us. How could these people be our slaves? Little did we know that 99% of these women have their OWN kids back in the Philippines the same age as us, and were instead giving their motherly love in return for a paycheck to send back home.

Hollywood of course didn't help the situation

Now before you start puking on your keyboards my disgusted readers, I of course am not proud of this; by no means am I bragging. Really, I feel awful about what I do, just not awful enough to actually do anything about it. I go to university a couple hours a day, but mainly my days are pretty relaxed and I would certainly have time to pickup a part time job. Will I? Fuck no. I have a Madden franchise to attend to. While my parents are certainly on my ass about picking up some type of employment to put a little extra money in my bank account and fill up my time, the activity of dropping of resumes in itself seems to do the trick. Now, here comes the point of this whole post.

I am applying to go away to school next year to a very well respected program where, if one graduates successfully, a decent career generally follows. (Of course there are no guarantees, but I’d certainly take my chances with school over becoming the executive grilled cheese chef to each community’s version of the Kardashians, or worse, be the child in Manilla who gets a postcard with a beaver on it once a year from his “nanny”/grilled-cheese chef mother working for a family in some city he does not know exists.) Anyway, to attend this school which is in a different city than where I currently live, I will of course need huge amounts of money every year for tuition, school supplies, a place to live, spending money for the essentials (use your imagination) and flights home to visit every long weekend (I’m jewish). If my parents could not afford to send me to privileged schools that are almost meal-tickets to good careers in themselves, I dont know what the fuck I would do. I’m nothing special, it’s not like I’d be some exception to the rule and overcome my socio-economic status like most rich people think they would. I guess I would be like Dennis’s son, pumping gas at the shell station until I was old enough to pickup a snow-blower and takeover the family business. My life and where I’ll end up was and is so dependent upon the simple trivial number that is the salary of my parents. Duh, obviously, I know. But if you think about it, it really is remarkable and humbling to realize that you have won the lottery just by being born into the situation that you were (not you person stuck under gumball machine in Haiti).

Sorry for the rant, but Dale has a guilty conscience. Getting a part time job could help, but that wouldn’t make anyone else’s life better, right? Just tell me I’m right so I can unpause my Tivo.

Tiger Would.

Ok so during the Dale’s hiatus, a certain squeaky clean sports figure turned out to be a pretty big dirtbag. I have contemplated whether I should post about it or not, because at this point it’s old news, but came to the conclusion that it would be both appropriate and entertaining to give a quick rundown of the Dale’s opinion of each mistress.
Before we get started let me give my two cents on his wife. Yea. She’s a Swedish bikini model. But she is the shittiest Swedish bikini model I’ve ever seen. Shes nothing special AT ALL and my guess is that her performance between the sheets would be as entertaining as watching the sport her husband plays. So let’s look at which little birdy’s sunk his balls instead.


Rachel Uchitel –  hotter than his wife, but sheeeeee looka lika men (Ms. Swan). Not in the realm you would expect for the richest sports personality in the world. Bit of a beak nose, blatantly fake rack and all around average broad. Her fake boobs make her seem more appealing but the Dale thinks fake boobs are cheating and should therefore not count in assessment of a broadsky. Arguably tigers best work though (and thats not saying much). Also accepted a fee rumoured to be around a mil to keep it quiet…added points

Holly Sampson – this endeavour makes me think that tiger probably didn’t get much action as an adolescent. The need to sleep with a blond pornstar with big fake boobs stems from hours of watching porn at home while the cool kids at school were out getting real action. Kanye west is another example of this. Losers who turn famous want to bang pornstars. It’s a proven fact. But still, tiger could have picked a hotter pornstar..I mean this girls tits look like something that you’d expect to see slung over a gym teachers shoulder walking into a dodgeball class. Weak game tiger.

Mindy Lawton – my god. What the HELL was he thinking?? Picks up this asshat serving pancakes at Perkins and brings her home to his marital bed to mate with her. This bitch looks like Animal from the muppets. I guarantee when she takes off her clothes it looks like she has Buckwheat in a figure four leglock. And to make matters worse… It would be a redheaded Buckwheat. Ew. Tiger must have wanted a girl with 0 self esteem that he could do all sorts of disgusting shit to. Gross.

The other mistresses basically blend into one another…cocktail waitress aspiring model blah blah blah. I’m pretty sure “aspiring model” just means unemployed. But anyway, yea. They are all average girls who do not justify the divorce settlement that tigger’s going to have to pay out.
So why the hell would he risk it all to sleep with broads like this…I mean just look at them! Even the hottest one is just a step above ditch-pig status….not worth it. But at the same time…just IMAGINE how goddamn boring his wife must be in bed. She’s apparently boring enough to push her husband into sleeping with Animal from the muppets. She may be a “Swedish bikini model” by title, but she is NOT the Swedish bikini model (SBM) that pubescent boys have wet dreams about. Tiger essentially got a SBM lemon. In fact, the Dale is convinced that there is more SBM essence in his proverbial left nut than there is in mrs woods’ whole body. Sucks for him. But at least he’s out of his contract and can upgrade to a better model (see what I did there). Judging by his track record he might want to hire a personal shopper this time.
– Dale

Why my new ipod touch makes me want to ditch my blackberry

First and foremost I am currently writing this blog post on my iPod touch via the wordpress app I downloaded today. And this, my friends is exemplary of the reason I felt possessed to write this article in the first place: this goddamn thing can do everything.

Ever since I got my first blackberry over a year ago I have been fiercely loyal to the brand, loving the fact that I don’t have to pay expensive text messaging charges to talk to my girlfriend and family overseas. Because of this one unique benefit of the blackberry, I have politely overlooked the rest of the phone’s flaws…until now.
I was fortunate enough to receive an iPod touch for Christmas and my, my, how it has exceeded my expectations. I initially wanted one to fuse together the psp and the iPod nano I have been dragging around and essentially have my gaming and my music come from the same device. Mission accomplished. But what I was not prepared for was the ridiculous breadth of applications you could get for the device. Not only do I have more than enough choice in the gaming department but I have found apps to write my blogs read my daily newspaper get live commentary on football games find places that will deliver me a big dirty kebab right to my door measure how far I walk in a day test my wifi speed view my xbox live friends list and, most importantly control my pc from the comfort of my couch with one thumb.
Now I am fully aware that alot of these things are common tasks that can be accomplished in many different ways, your blackberry being included, but what sets the iPod touch and consequently the iPhone apart from everything else is the unbeatable simplicity of the device. Finding, reviewing, downloading and using apps on the iPod is not only an easy process, but a downright enjoyable one to boot. The whole experience is nearly flawless.
Now let’s talk about the blackberry experience (all bb users should be cringing at this point because I know YOU know what’s coming). Blackberry’s operating system sucks. let’s be honest folks, it is primitive in comparison to many modern day systems such as the iPhone os, windows mobile and even some of nokia and samsung’s offerings. My experience is especially bad as I have the original blackberry storm. As we speak I tried to reply to my girlfriends bbm only to be met with the always-welcome never-intrusive black rotating circle of hourglass hell. Sure the blackberry can accomplish many of the tasks that the iPhone can but it just does not work as well! Omitting blackberry messenger and email, the iPhone is superior in every facet. And believe you me, the Dale HATES all that is apple. Macs are for trendy morons and iPhones are for people who buy macs. this has been my mentality ever since the iPhone came out and I have had absolutely no desire to own one whatsoever…until now.
In fact, when I last signed a contract, it would have been easier and cheaper for me to buy an iPhone but I changed providers and paid more to get the storm. Now, I think that was a mistake. Plagued (and I mean like bubonic plague) by issues since the day I got it, I just don’t think that bbm and email balance out the negatives. I say this now that I have been introduced to the seamless experience that is Apple.
I just realized i’ve been rambling but I’m going to publish this anyway as a test post from the WordPress app. Basically, to sum up what I was trying to say is: once upon a time the Dale loved his blackberry. much like a really hot girlfriend, he overlooked the fact that it was kind of slow and pissed him off alot because the other benefits were just SO good. Now that the Dale has had a taste of what it’s like to have a pretty hot girlfriend who’s intellect is on par with her looks, but doesn’t do EVERYTHING the other girlfriend did, he’s decided that he wants to stick with the more balanced option. When the Dale’s contract is up in 4 months, he’s joining the elite group of mac-buying morons that he once loathed. I’m buying an iPhone. As for convincing me macs are better than pc’s, and in the spirit of my previous girlfriend analogy, I believe meatloaf said it best when he said “I would do anything for love…but I won’t do that”.
Keep f***ing that chicken
– Dale

Why football is better than football.

yes...that IS Vinnie Jones

First off, before starting this post I took a quick look into why there are two sports with the same name. So I’ll give you a quick history lesson to get you up to speed. Football was and still is the most popular sport in the world. Way back in the day, when football enacted the no-hand rule, some people didn’t like it, so they broke off and created rugby. Still considered a variation of football, rugby became more popular and spread to north america, where they played a variation of rugby that used alot less kicking and a lot more handling of the ball, which you all now know as gridiron, or “american football”. So even though modern day gridiron relies more on  handling of the ball than..um…footing, it is still considered a variation of original football. So long story short, gridiron is the devil spawn of original football, and this is why they both go by the same name.

But why is it that football is still the most popular sport in the world and gridiron has only really been embraced by North America? They have both been played, in various forms, since the 1840’s  (although football was played prior to that without standard rules), and they both demand a massive fan base in their respective markets. So why is football’s market so much bigger than gridiron?

The Dale thinks it there are two main reasons. The first has to do with the simplicity of football compared to the seemingly complicated rules of gridiron. Alot of people get turned off of gridiron because, as I’m sure anyone who’s had to explain football to a girlfriend knows, there is ALOT to explain when you start from scratch. Once you watch a couple of games with the rules in mind, it doesn’t seem as complicated, but seasoned gridiron fans, there was a point where YOU were clueless as to why large black men in costumes were attacking smaller white men in costumes on a green floor.  The perceived complexity of the game is a a detrimental barrier of entry to an intense, captivating sport.

The second reason, and IDO (In Dale’s Opinion) the reason that explains why football  is played and revered by so many more millions of people is the simplicity of the equipment. all you need is a ball (or something that resembles a ball, as I saw a guy playing football with a blown up condom in a sock on tv the other day), 4 sticks and an open patch of pretty much any surface to have a full game. Realistically, all you need is the ball and a target. This is why millions of children grow up learning to play football rather than hockey or gridiron. For gridiron, to play a proper game you need protective equipment, a marked field, uprights AND a specially shaped ball. It should also be noted that alot of people who play football could not afford to play gridiron due to the expenses associated with the equipment.

So there it is. The Dale’s two pence. I hope you weren’t expecting a “OUR FOOTBALL’S BETTER NO OUR FOOTBALL IS BETTER” meathead argument, because I won’t get into which one is more enjoyable to watch or play. That sort of thing is too subjective. But hopefully I have given you insight as to why football is considered better BY MORE PEOPLE than gridiron football.

See you next time. Same bat place, same bat channel.

back to business…first on the agenda? Call of Duty.

Ok, whats good. I’m back, have my trusty netbook and I’m ready to get back into this. During my hiatus from the Dale, my spare time has succumbed to indefinite imprisonment by the call of duty machine. I still don’t really understand what it is that makes this game so impossibly addictive, as it really is the epitome of repetition. I mean, you shoot someone, you die, you shoot someone, you die, you shoot two people, you die…etc, etc, game over. Start a new game. But this simple pattern of imposing death upon virtual soldiers and having death imposed upon your little virtual soldier can keep young men’s stimulatory processes thoroughly…stimulated.. for hours on end.

The thing that struck me the other day was my “global ranking”. I am ranked 4,619,837th in the world. And I play this game pretty much every day. Although I don’t spend long amounts of time online (usually), I AM a regular player, and there are 4.6 million players “better” than me! I put “better” in quoatation’s not because I’m a bitter nerdmaster3000 who experiences sexual pleasure when seeing their call of duty rank rise, but rather because the leaderboard does not have as much to do with actual ability as it does time played (you can see “time played” in the leaderboard…some of the guys at the top of the list have as much as 22 days logged. thats over 500 hours of gameplay. In comparison, my 1 day (24 hours) of play is nothing!)

Anyway, as usual I digress. What I was trying to say is there are roughly 4.5 million people in the world that play more than me. And I play pretty much every day.  After thinking about what could possibly make it so appealing, I came up with what the Dale thinks is a reasonable explanation. If I don’t see anything in the comments section disagreeing, I’ll assume you all agree. Basically, there must be something in our minds that makes the idea of killing someone appealing. In most people,  this idea is largely subdued and lies dormant in the back of our minds. But in some people, the idea of killing being an appealing form of entertainment is frighteningly more rational than it is in the rest of us. These type of people usually end up being shipped off to some shit storm of a conflict somewhere by some sort of military in some sort of redundant battle (that’s a whole ‘nother blog post).

Call of Duty brings this out. It unleashes the war-loving jarhead in all of us. Whatever part of the brain is responsible for making people go to war has got to be the same part of the brain stimulated by Call of Duty. And the more we play it and get used to the satisfaction of defeating an opponent,  the more it becomes necessary to “get our kills in” for the day. Hence the ability to kill and be killed for hours a day.

Now that you’ve heard the Dale’s opinion, go on and Master Bait (COD fans, WATCH this if you haven’t seen it yet)

Umbrellas + rainy day = gauntlet for tall people

Ok, back again. Sorry I haven’t been writing more, but I have been very busy. I will right on a daily basis once I buy myself a netbook for the train.

But for now, I have yet another rant.

So I live in London, which has some of the dreariest weather anywhere. Its not particularly cold, and its not particularly hot, but it is wet, and damp, and grey. Fabulous, I know. During winter, when it rains almost every day, it becomes very dangerous to walk the streets. Not because of the rain itself, but funnily enough, its the solution to the rain that is the problem. EVERYBODY brings their umbrellas out on a rainy day (obviously), but these stupid umbrellas make a very daunting task of the ride home, as I have to be careful not to get poked in the damn eye by one of the spikes on somebody’s umbrella. (I’m not the only one, there is even a facebook page dedicated to this issue)I’d like to know who the doofus is that designed the classic umbrella, and why no one has thought to make them a little less dangerous since their inception. The thing has 2 inch SPIKES coming out of the edges, and I have very nearly gotten cornea-raped by one of these little buggers on more than one occasion. Like seriously, is there not some other solution to this issue? Or is it just because I’m tall that I’m actually affected? Because people wave their umbrellas around every which way, without even a thought, while I dodge and duck like the goddamn matrix to make sure I don’t end up looking like a f**king pirate. This is not fair. It’s not fair because I don’t actually use an umbrella. Everytime I’ve gone out with an umbrella, the wind has flipped it inside out and broken it, and not only do I lose the umbrella….and get wet….but I end up looking like a total idiot desperately flailing around trying to turn the umbrella back into its resting position so I can holster it and pretend nothing happened. WHY CANT THIS HAPPEN TO THE PEOPLE THAT ALMOST POKE MY EYES OUT?!

poncho man

I have found a solution to my problem in the form of a poncho. I might look like the guy from I Know what you Did Last Summer, but at least I’m not risking:

a) looking like an idiot

b) getting wet and

c) poking someone’s eye out that is even taller than me (likely a  dutchman).

Come on people of London….leave the umbrellas at home and lets have a big poncho party.

Since when is non-minority racism and discrimination OK?!?

albino_african_americans

Ok, so the Dale is back. I have settled across the pond in a fantastic apartment right on the river Thames. I wake up and see swans every morning, and have to suppress the impulse to shoot them (In England, every swan is the Queen’s pet, you see.) Anyway. I do not have internet yet, as the archaic infrastructure of the phone company requires two full weeks before reinstating a new line (dumb). But I just couldn’t resist filling your eager, anticipating permeable minds with a fresh dose of the Dale, so I am coming to you live through bluetooth, through my Blackberry, through my laptop, into your face.

So I received a book for christmas last year called “Stuff White People Like”. Written by a white person, it is essentially a list, with descriptions, of 100 things all white people like. Stuff like wine, Arrested Development and Marijuana are all on the list, and the author’s descriptions are relatively funny and often correct, but this doesn’t really matter. The point is, that if there was a book called “Stuff Black People Like”, it would be “full of ignorant stereotypes and racist comments”. So why is it ok to poke fun at white people? The fact is, its not, but society widely accepts racism or prejudice towards non minorities. Classic example: White guy uses the N word towards a black guy….big trouble. Black guy calls a white guy a cracker….well, thats just fine. No big deal. Because “our people” weren’t subjected to slavery? Newsflash. There are thousands if not hundreds of thousands of white people that are slaves, even today. Ever heard of people trafficking or sex slavery? At one point or another, every race has been subject to slavery, so I really do not think that this gives african americans the right to call white people whatever they like. I am by NO means a racist….quite the opposite actually…I’m all about equality…and I think that in the attempt to achieve equality, discrimination towards non-minority’s has been largely overlooked.

Another example. I’m sitting in my first class the other day, and the librarian was invited into the lecture to give us a quick run down of how to search databases, find journals and research etc. Anyway, she mentions the Women’s library, which is a collection of works written by females, about femininity. I was thinking to myself…where is the Men’s library? The library with all the books by men for men. I’ll tell you where it is…its in our dreams…because it’ll never happen. Some group of femininist ninny’s somewhere would collectively get their 100% organic cotton granny panties in a twist, cause a fuss, and shoot down the idea. There is no doubt at all in my mind, that there is actually discrimination towards men when it comes to gender issues. You can get a degree in Women’s Studies, but there is not even a class, let alone a degree on Men’s studies. Sure, women have a unique individual history and culture, but so do men!

I’ve come to the conclusion that society as a whole is so busy making up for historical discrimination towards certain minorities that is effectively promoting discrimination towards non-minorities (or should I call them..majorities…or the majority…whatever.). As a 24 year old white male, I’m about as non-minority as they come, and I, for one, feel discriminated against.

Dale is on Hiatus for the next week or so…

Just letting everyone know, the Dale will be on a hiatus for the next week or so due to the fact that me, the main man, Mr. dailydale himself, is jumping from continent to continent, and relocating to London, England. I don’t want you to think that I’m neglecting the old Dale, but I will likely be too busy to post. So check back from time to time in the next week to see if my fellow authors have posted, and if not, I’ll be back in full force once I am settled and comfortable in jolly old England. (I might still post here and there, but it is unlikely). So don’t jump out your windows, don’t grab a sharp knife from the kitchen and DON’T forget about the Dale. We will be back soon! Stay tuned…